Becoming the Parent You Aspire to Be: The Power of Listening to Your Kids

For many young kids, our parents are our first superheroes. They seem invincible, always having the answers and knowing everything. But let's be real: most of us are petrified! We're constantly worried we're doing everything wrong, fretting over their safety (can we bubble-tape them??), obsessing about what they're eating, and agonizing over how badly we might be screwing them up. If only we actually had some of the answers...

Picture this:

You're sitting on the couch, a cup of lukewarm coffee you've been too distracted to drink next to you, and you muster the courage to ask your kids, "If something happens to me, what would you remember about me?" Their answers might surprise you, warm your soul, or even make you wonder if you should have asked at all. Buckle up, because we're diving into the unfiltered world of kid feedback-brace yourself for honesty, humor, and probably a big dash of humility.

The Courageous Question:

First off, let's give a round of applause to any parent who dares to ask such a profound and scary question. It's like opening Pandora's box, but with more glitter, stuffies, and innocence. You're not just fishing for compliments; you're generally curious about the little things in your kid's minds. And let's face it, we could all use a dose of reality (especially in today's world of misinformation, hatred, and polarization).

The Unexpected Answers:

Kids have the magical ability to see through the fluff and get straight to the point (unless they're asking for snacks, then my kids break into a well-thought-out story about how a snack can make all the difference in their day). Their answers to your heartfelt question might range from adorable to downright hilarious, to "I need a drink".

1. "I'd remember our snuggles. They always make me feel safe and loved."
   

   1. Cue the feels. This is what we live for, right? Those tender moments that remind us we're doing something right.

2. "I'd remember how you always find my lost bear."
   

   1. Yes, because apparently, we're part parent, part Sherlock Holmes, but we wear it like a badge of honor.

3. "I'd remember how mad you get when I don't eat my dinner."
   

   1. Yeah well, quit wasting food, money doesn't grow on trees! (best to keep that to yourself)

4. "I'd remember how silly you look trying to dance with us."

   1. They are too young to recognize greatness I guess...

Embracing the Feedback:

Once you're recovered from the initial shock of the response, and hopefully composed yourself, it's time to take this feedback to heart. Here's the thing, kids remember the quirks, the routines, and the everyday moments. It's not about grand gestures or social media worthy perfection. It's about being present, being you, and occasionally making a fool of yourself in the name of family fun.

1. Celebrate the Small Things:

   1. Those bedtime stories, the way you cut the crust off their sandwiches, the silly notes you leave in their lunch, or how you sing (off-key) during car rides-these are the things that matter.

2. Laugh at Yourself:

   1. If they remember your horrific dance moves, it's a sign that you're not afraid to let loose and be yourself. You are teaching them it's ok to be who they are and not worried about what others think. Keep having fun.

3. Be Consistent:

   1. Parenting is an around-the-clock job, the predictability of your love, support, and affection is what forms the bedrock of their memories. Consistency builds trust and a solid foundation.

Special Note:

Not everyone has the self-awareness to accept honest feedback, make sure you're ready for any answers. Do not try and defend yourself, and please, please, please do not gaslight them. Their answers cannot be wrong, it's what they feel, and you have no right to tell them their feelings are wrong or hurtful to you. Time to suck it up and accept their straight feedback and deal with it as a mature adult. If you cannot do this, learn the skill of accepting feedback first. Your only response should be "Thank you" with a hug, they are giving you a great gift and you need to show you appreciate it.

The Legacy of Listening:

Asking your kids what they'll remember about you isn't just a way to gauge your parental performance, it's a window into their hearts and minds. It shows you what truly matters to them. So, next time you're knee-deep in laundry or refereeing a sibling spat, remember this: it's the little moments that create lasting impressions. If you didn't get the answer you were looking for, take it as an opportunity to reflect on how you're shaping their perceptions and consider if your priorities need adjusting. Accept this insight as a gift, one that can guide you towards being the parent they cherish and remember fondly.